Thoughts...

The thoughts you had about yourself, you never thought would be reflected in the eyes of someone you care so deeply for. 

It’s not pain and it’s not sadness but the fear you see in their eyes and the pain you hear in their voice cuts deeper in your heart than you thought possible. 

You’ve never said the words “I love you” to anyone before and you haven’t said them to him either, but, if actions do in fact speak louder than words... then the two of you are so deeply in love nothing spoken could encompass what you have. 

Not wanting to push, but knowing that pushing will cause him to grow, and knowing that growing is what’s best and most important for him, even if it means you don’t get to be a part of his life anymore. 

Wanting what’s best for him, at the risk of not having him anymore...

A thought that leaves you confused and fearful because he has become such a part of your life you can’t imagine it without him. 

The friendship is the thing you fear losing the most, if he were ever to leave. You don’t know why but that’s the truth.

He has become your best friend and a life without your best friend isn’t something you want to live through...

Not again...

You pray for him because you care deeply for him.

You don’t know how to word the emotions going on inside your head so you ask God to interpret them for you.

You know you care and you know you want him in your life.

What you don’t know is what's Gods plan for his life and your life?

Does Gods plan match your plan?

Or, is your plan about to get changed to match Gods plan? 

The fear of hopes and dreams being changed is frightening, but the knowledge that the God of the Universe cares about you... it covers the fear with awe and amazement. 

This boyfriend, this relationship, this best friendship... is a part of that plan, how it plays out you don’t know, but you’re along for the ride and so far...

So far it’s been a thought provoking ride, but not only that, not only has it been that, it is also been... passionate, loving, sarcastic, driven, supportive, encouraging, caring but most of all... most of all this ride has been shared between you and a man that’s become your best friend.